Hookup Apps for Closeted Men Video Transcript
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Okay, so you guys sent in some stuff from um men meetmen.com, right? All about using hookup apps,
right?
But like specifically as a closeted guy.
Exactly. Yeah.
So like think of this as us kind of going through it all and picking out the most important things, you know, like the things you absolutely need to know to stay safe and explore all this while,
you know, keeping things discreet,
right? Like the stuff you really need to know.
Exactly. Yeah. So you know this article you sent us. It really gets right at a question a lot of people probably have.
Yeah, for sure.
Are hookup apps like safe for closeted men,
right?
I mean, it acknowledges that there can be some downsides.
But it’s like, okay, it can be safe.
It can be
if you’re doing it the right way.
Totally. If you’ve got the right apps, like the right strategies,
the right settings, everything.
Yeah. The right mindset even.
Uhhuh.
So, that’s what we’re going to break down here, right?
Yeah. That’s what we’re going to go into.
Like, what does that actually look like? How do you do Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. So, the article starts off talking about why someone who is closeted might even like go on these apps in the first place, right?
That’s a good question.
And you know, it makes sense, right? You get to connect with people, but it’s like on your own terms. You can do it from home. You know, private
visual privacy. Yeah.
You don’t have to go to like, I don’t know, a bar or a club.
Yeah. You’re not putting yourself out there in public.
Exactly. Yeah. And I think that’s a big one for a lot of guys. Sure.
Um I think what stood out to me was this idea of control. You know, the article talks about that like you can control who you talk to.
You’re in charge.
What you say, how fast things go.
Totally. At your own pace.
Exactly. You know, if you were trying to do this in person,
it’s just like harder to control those things.
Yeah. Much harder.
Right. So, I think so much less predictable.
Yeah. Yeah. And this is
Yeah. This is kind of the
Yeah, they right. You get that flexibility and the anonymity.
All in your turn. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. So, it’s like the first step is picking the right app.
Absolutely.
But it’s not just about like is it popular or whatever.
No, not at all.
It’s about the features, right? Like does it actually protect your privacy?
It’s all about those features.
So, so what are we looking for here? Like what are the good signs?
Okay, so think about it this way, right? You don’t want your face to be the first thing everyone sees.
Uhhuh.
So look for apps that let you like have a profile without a face pick.
Oh, okay.
Or at least, you know, let you blur it out, hide it until you’re ready. Okay. So, you have control over like who sees what.
Exactly. Exactly.
And what about those disappearing messages? That seems important.
Oh, huge. That’s like a mustave, I think.
Right. Like you don’t want those conversations, you know,
hanging around forever.
Yeah. Floating around forever, right?
Exactly. And you know what else is good? If the app has an incognito mode,
what’s that do?
It’s like stealth mode. You’re basically invisible while you’re browsing.
Oh.
So, it minimizes like your footprint on the app. Okay, I see.
Another thing, usernames.
Oh, yeah.
And links to social media. Like, avoid those.
So, like, don’t use your regular social media.
No, no, no. Keep it all separate. The fewer connections back to your real life, the better.
Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.
It’s all about layers of protection.
Yeah, I’m starting to see that. So, are there any apps specifically that like
Oh, yeah. The article mentions a few.
Okay. Which ones are good?
So, Scruff, that’s one.
It’s known for having options for discrete profiles.
Okay. Then there’s field.
That one’s got a really like open-minded, non-judgmental vibe.
Oh, okay.
It’s for all sorts of preferences. So, you know, people there might be more understanding about privacy.
Okay, that makes sense.
Then you’ve got Adam for Adam. That one lets you choose if you want to use a Facebook pick or not.
Oh, nice. So, it’s like that initial control.
Exactly.
Okay. And is there another one?
Yeah. Tiny. It’s known for having really strong privacy settings in general.
Okay. Nice.
Obviously, you know, things change all the time.
New apps come out, old ones up. update. Right. Right.
But this gives you an idea of what to look for, you know.
Yeah. Totally.
What features are important?
Yeah. Okay. So, we’ve picked our app and now the article talks about making like a separate online persona.
Yes.
And it’s not just like using a different name.
It’s bigger than that.
It’s like a whole approach,
a whole different mindset. Yeah.
So, what does that look like in practice?
Okay. Think of it as building a wall between your like hookup app life.
Okay. and your everyday life.
Yeah.
First thing, new email address.
Oh, okay.
Just for these apps.
So, it’s not connected to your regular email.
Exactly. That’s step one.
Okay, that makes sense.
Then obviously use a different name or nickname. Something not tied to your real identity.
Right. So, it’s harder to connect the dots, right?
Exactly. And then there’s your phone number.
Okay. What about that?
This is big. The article actually suggests using a burner SIM card.
Whoa. Okay.
Or like an app that gives you a second number.
Oh, I’ve heard of those. Yeah. That way your personal number stays completely private.
Okay. Yeah, that’s smart.
No link back to you.
Okay. So, email, name, phone number, what else?
Photos.
Okay. So, not showing your face, right?
Right. But it’s more than that.
Oh, okay.
It’s about any identifying details.
What do you mean?
Like backgrounds in your photos.
Oh, okay.
Tattoos, specific clothes someone might recognize.
Oh, I see.
Anything that could give you away.
Yeah. Okay. So, be careful about even those little things.
Exactly. You’re trying to minimize those little breadcrumbs, you know,
right? So no one can trace it back to you.
Exactly. It’s all about creating that distance, that feeling of safety,
right? That makes a lot of sense. Okay, so we’ve picked the right app. We’ve built our like secret identity. What’s next?
The article talks a lot about setting boundaries.
Yes, boundaries are crucial.
Why is that so important?
Okay, it’s about having control right from the start.
It’s about managing expectations. Like be upfront about needing privacy. Oh, okay. So, even in your profile, you can say that.
Yeah. Use words like private or discreet.
Oh, okay.
It’s a signal, you know,
right? Like this is what I’m about.
Exactly. It helps weed out the people who aren’t going to respect that.
Okay, that’s smart.
And then think about communication, right? Like early on, avoid video chats, voice notes.
Yeah. Okay, I get that.
That stuff can feel really intimate,
right? And you don’t necessarily want that right away.
Exactly.
You want to build trust at your own pace. And the article also says like don’t share personal info too soon.
Oh yeah. Like your job, where you live, your schedule.
Yeah. That stuff can be dangerous, right?
Totally. It can reveal a lot more than you think.
So just be cautious about what you share.
Exactly. Take your time.
And what if like someone’s pushing you to share more than you’re comfortable with?
You disengage.
You just stop talking to them.
You got it. You are in control. Remember?
Right. Right. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Exactly. Setting boundaries and sticking to them.
It’s about protecting yourself.
Absolutely. It’s essential.
Okay. So, the article also talks about like red flags.
Yeah. This is important stuff.
Like, how do you know if someone is trying to like scam you or something,
right? Or worse.
Or Yeah. blackmail. That’s scary.
It’s a real risk unfortunately.
So, what are the signs? What should we be looking out for?
Okay. First thing, profiles that seem too good to be true.
Okay. What does that mean?
Like super attractive person, amazing life, you know?
Yeah. The whole package. It could be a fake account or someone with bad intentions.
So like be skeptical.
Yeah. Trust your gut. If it seems too perfect, it probably is.
Okay. What else?
If they start asking for explicit pics right away.
Oh yeah, that’s a red flag.
Huge red flag. Someone who’s genuinely interested Yeah.
will take the time to get to know you.
They’re not going to jump right into that.
Exactly. Another one, if they want you to switch to a different app.
Oh, okay.
Especially if it’s one you’ve never heard of or it doesn’t have good security.
Yeah. Why would they want to do that? could be an attempt to move the conversation somewhere less monitored, you know.
Oh, okay. So, they can get away with more
potentially. Yeah.
Okay, that’s sneaky.
Be wary of that.
What about like if someone tries to guilt trip you or threaten you?
That’s a huge no no.
Like if they’re trying to make you feel bad.
Yeah. Or make you do something you don’t want to do.
Oh, okay.
That’s manipulation and it’s never okay.
So, what do you do if that happens? You
get out of there, block them, report them, whatever you need to do.
Just protect yourself
always. Trust your instincts on this one.
Okay. Yeah, I’m starting to see how important that is.
View this defense.
Okay. So, you’re chatting with someone.
Hopefully, you’re avoiding those red flags.
Fingers crossed.
Yeah. But there are still like things you can do to stay safe.
Absolutely.
Like just in the way you chat.
Yeah. These are like everyday habits that can make a big difference.
Okay. So, what are we talking about here?
Okay. Use apps that have disappearing messages or endto-end encryption.
Okay. What’s that?
It means your conversation aren’t saved forever.
Oh, okay.
And they’re scrambled so only you and the person you’re talking to can read them.
Oh, wow. That’s cool.
It’s a good way to keep things private.
Okay. What else?
Don’t save photos directly to your phone’s gallery.
Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
You don’t want those popping up accidentally,
right? Especially if someone else is using your phone.
Exactly. And turn off those message previews on your lock screen.
Yeah, those little snippets you can see.
Yeah, those someone can see those even if your phone is locked.
Oh, right. Okay. Good. point.
And last but not least, log out of the app when you’re not using it.
Oh,
or even uninstall it if you’re not going to be on for a while.
Yeah. Just to be extra safe.
It’s about minimizing your footprint. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.
All about being proactive,
right? Okay. So, what about meeting in person?
Ah, yes. The big step.
You know, for a lot of people, that’s the whole point.
It’s the goal.
But obviously, there are safety concerns.
Safety comes first always.
So, what does the article say about that?
Okay, so First meetup, public place.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Neutral ground, somewhere you can easily leave if you need to.
Makes sense.
And tell a friend where you’re going.
Oh, okay.
You don’t have to give them all the details,
right? Just like I’m meeting someone for coffee or something.
Exactly. Just so someone knows where you are.
Okay. Yeah, that’s smart.
And don’t meet near your home or work.
Oh, yeah. That’s a good point.
Keep those areas separate.
Protect your privacy.
Exactly. And arrange your own transportation.
Oh, okay. So, you can leave whenever you want.
Yeah. Yeah. You’re not dependent on them.
Okay, that makes sense.
And you know, most importantly, don’t feel pressured to meet before you’re ready.
Uh-huh.
Like at all.
Yeah, that’s a big one.
Go at your own pace. Trust your gut.
Yeah, I’m seeing that theme a lot here.
It’s all about that.
Okay, so basically the big takeaway here is like hookup apps can be a good way for closeted guys to connect,
right?
But you have to be so careful.
Absolutely. It’s not something to take lightly.
Be smart. Stay vigilant,
protect yourself,
you know, set those boundaries, keep your info private.
It’s all about minimizing those risks,
right? Because your privacy, like that’s valuable.
That’s incredibly valuable.
And by doing all these things, you can actually explore all this and feel safer.
You take control of the experience.
Exactly. So, it’s been a really interesting deep dive, you know, for sure.
Like we talked about so much from the apps themselves to like how to chat safely,
the whole process.
Yeah. Even meeting in person,
it’s a lot to think about.
It really is. And it kind of makes you think like what other parts of my online life Yeah.
could use the same kind of attention, you know?
That’s a good question to ask yourself.
Like where else could I be more careful, more private?
Exactly. It’s about being mindful.
Yeah. And if you guys are interested in learning more, the men meet men article has some more links.
Oh, yeah. Those are good.
They talk about like gay saunas, other safety tips for hookup apps, even stuff for like married men,
right? So, there’s a lot to explore.
Definitely check those out.
Yeah. Go deeper, learn more, stay safe out there.
