What Does It Mean to Be a Top?

What Does It Mean to Be a Top?

Right, let’s get into it. The labels. ‘Top’. ‘Bottom’. ‘Vers’. They float around profiles, club smoking areas, late-night chats. But what does ‘top’ actually mean in the messy, glorious reality of sex between men in the UK today? Especially when not everyone involved identifies the same way.

It sounds simple on paper. The one doing the penetrating. The insertive partner. Job done? Hardly. That definition barely scratches the surface. It ignores the baggage, the assumptions, the power plays, and the genuine identities wrapped up in that single word.

We’re talking about more than just mechanics. It’s tied up with ideas of masculinity. Control. Even respect, sometimes. But these ideas are often built on shaky ground. Misconceptions run deep. Stereotypes cling like stale smoke.

This isn’t just about a physical act. It’s about identity. Psychology. How we see ourselves. How the community – in all its diversity – sees us. And how these narratives are shifting, right here, right now. Forget the simple definitions. Let’s unpack what being a ‘top’ really signifies in 2025.


Understanding Sexual Roles When Men Have Sex

The language of sex is loaded. Especially in queer and MSM spaces. Terms evolve. Meanings shift. But ‘top’, ‘bottom’, and ‘versatile’ remain central. They’re shorthand. Quick identifiers on apps. Conversation starters, or enders.

Defining the ‘Top’ Role

At its most basic, ‘top’ refers to the insertive partner in anal sex. That’s the textbook definition. The starting point. But reducing it to just that misses the point entirely. It’s like saying Manchester is just ‘a city with canals’. Technically true, but utterly inadequate.

Being a top isn’t just about the physical act of penetration. For many, it’s part of their sexual identity. A preference. A way they connect, express desire, or experience pleasure. It can feel innate. Or it can be a role discovered, explored, and claimed over time. It can involve giving pleasure through various acts – oral, manual, using toys – often taking a leading or ‘giving’ role.

Think about the connotations. Assertiveness? Control? Maybe. But these aren’t inherent traits. They’re often projected onto the role. Assumptions based on outdated scripts about gender and sex.

What Does It Mean to Be a Top

Beyond Penetration: Nuances of Topping

The ‘top’ label isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s got layers. Different guys experience and express it differently. You’ve got:

  • The ‘Classic’ Top: Enjoys being the penetrative partner, often associated with taking the lead.
  • Service Tops: Get off on performing the act, but might be following their partner’s lead or instructions. Pleasure comes from giving pleasure on command.
  • Submissive Tops: Prefer the insertive role physically, but enjoy relinquishing control emotionally or psychologically to their partner.
  • Stone Tops: Focus entirely on giving pleasure, often without wanting reciprocal physical touch on their genitals.
  • Femme Tops: Challenge stereotypes head-on. Presentation doesn’t dictate preference. You can be femme and love topping.

These aren’t rigid boxes, just ways the role manifests. It shows topping is more about a dynamic, a preference for givingin a certain way, than just a physical position.

The Spectrum of Sexual Positions and Acts

Sex between men isn’t a binary equation. It’s a vast, creative landscape. Anal sex is one part of it. Oral sex, manual sex (wanking, fingering), frottage (rubbing), rimming, kissing, intimacy – it’s all part of the picture. The intense focus on top/bottom dynamics often overshadows this rich diversity.

Even within anal sex, the roles aren’t always fixed. Power dynamics shift. Desire ebbs and flows. One person might top one night, bottom the next. Or find pleasure in ways that defy easy labels entirely.

The labels exist for convenience. Quick communication. But they can become cages if we let them. They simplify complex desires. They flatten individual experiences. The reality is far more nuanced, far more interesting.

Versatility and Fluidity in Sexual Roles

Enter ‘versatility’. The ability, or desire, to enjoy both topping and bottoming. Or maybe switching within a single encounter. It’s increasingly common. A welcome challenge to rigid role expectations. Being versatile acknowledges the fluidity many men experience in their desires.

Why the rise in versatility? Maybe it’s greater self-acceptance across the board. A rejection of limiting stereotypes inherited from straight culture or older gay scenes. A desire for broader sexual exploration. Or simply acknowledging that pleasure isn’t confined to one role. That variety is, well, hot.

This fluidity pushes back against the idea that you must be one or the other. It allows for change. For exploration without judgment. It reflects a more mature understanding of sexuality. One where labels serve us, not define us.

The UK scene reflects this. Conversations in bars from Soho to the Gorbals often touch on moving beyond strict roles. There’s a growing comfort with ambiguity. With not needing to fit neatly into a box someone else made.


Common Misconceptions About Tops

The ‘top’ label comes loaded with assumptions. Stereotypes passed down through generations. Myths perpetuated online and offline. These ideas shape perceptions. They influence interactions. And they’re often completely, damagingly wrong.

The Dominance Stereotype

This is the big one. Top equals dominant. Assertive. In control. Both in bed and out. It’s a persistent, pervasive myth. But it conflates a preferred sexual act with a fixed personality type.

Power Dynamics vs. Sexual Position

Sexual power dynamics are complex. Fluid. They can be negotiated. Played with. Subverted entirely. Being the insertive partner doesn’t automatically grant dominance, nor does it mean the top wants to be dominant. Submission and control can be expressed in countless ways, by either partner, regardless of who’s penetrating whom.

Think about it. A bottom can be demanding. Assertive in their desires. Guiding the encounter, setting the pace. A top can be gentle. Responsive. Focused entirely on their partner’s pleasure, taking direction. The physical position doesn’t dictate the emotional or power dynamic unless that’s specifically negotiated.

This stereotype likely stems from lazy heteronormative scripts. Man penetrates woman, therefore man is dominant. Applying this to sex between men ignores the agency, desires, and complex interplay happening. It’s boring thinking.

Separating Personality from Sexual Role

Your preference in bed doesn’t define your personality 24/7. It just doesn’t. A guy who identifies as a top might be shy. Introverted. A people-pleaser in his daily life. Another might be naturally assertive, regardless of whether he tops or bottoms or does neither.

Linking topping to dominance is reductive. It denies the complexity of individuals. It forces people into boxes based on what they like doing with their cock or a toy. And it ignores the vast range of personalities within the communities of men who have sex with men. We see this across the UK – the quiet lad in the corner who identifies as a top, the boisterous queen who prefers bottoming. Reality constantly defies the stereotype.

The Masculinity Myth

Another heavy hitter. Tops are ‘real men’. Masculine. Butch. Bottoms are… less so? This ties sexual roles directly to traditional, often toxic, gender expressions. It’s deeply problematic and frankly, outdated.

Gender Expression and Sexual Roles

Gender expression is a spectrum. Masculinity and femininity are not fixed points, nor are they opposites. A man can be femme and enjoy topping. He can be hyper-masculine and love bottoming. Or anywhere in between. One has nothing to do with the other.

Tying sexual roles to gender expression reinforces harmful binaries. It suggests there’s a ‘right’ way to be a man who has sex with men. A ‘correct’ alignment of presentation and preference. This is nonsense. It polices identity. It limits expression. It’s gatekeeping.

Look around any UK Pride event. Or any cruising spot. Or just walk down the street. You’ll see a kaleidoscope of gender expressions. Men challenging norms. Blurring lines. Their sexual preferences are just as diverse. And often completely unrelated to how they present themselves to the world.

Breaking Down Traditional Assumptions

These assumptions often come from outside. Straight society’s limited understanding projected onto lives they don’t grasp. But let’s be real, they also exist within our communities. Internalized biases. Echoes of homophobia and misogyny we haven’t fully shaken off.

Valuing ‘masculinity’ over ‘femininity’. Seeing topping as inherently more ‘manly’. This creates hierarchies. It devalues certain expressions and preferences. It’s something the community is actively challenging, especially younger generations. But the echoes remain, particularly online.

The reality? Your sexual role preference has zero bearing on your validity as a man. Or your masculinity, however you define it (or choose not to).

Emotional Connection and Intimacy

The myth: Tops are just about the physical act. Less interested in cuddling. Pillow talk. Emotional vulnerability. They fuck ’em and leave ’em. This stereotype paints tops as emotionally stunted robots. Focused solely on physical release.

This is deeply unfair. And almost always untrue. Emotional intimacy is a fundamental human need. It’s not determined by sexual position. Tops desire connection, love, and vulnerability just like anyone else having sex. The act itself can be incredibly intimate.

Reducing any group to purely physical urges is dehumanizing. It ignores the complex reasons people have sex. Connection. Affection. Love. Stress relief. Fun. Exploration. Power exchange. Tops experience this full spectrum.

Assuming a lack of emotional depth based on sexual role is prejudice. Plain and simple. It prevents genuine connection. It fosters misunderstanding. Thankfully, this stereotype is also being challenged more openly. There’s a growing emphasis on holistic connection in relationships between men, regardless of roles.


Psychological and Social Aspects

Being a top isn’t just a physical act or a preference you tick on an app. It’s woven into identity for some. Shaped by personal history. Influenced by the world around us – the good, the bad, the ugly. Psychology and sociology offer crucial insights.

Identity Development

How does someone come to identify as a top? It’s rarely a single lightbulb moment. More often, it’s a process. Part of the broader, often messy, journey of understanding one’s sexuality and self in a world that doesn’t always make it easy.

Self-Discovery Process

Identity development for men who have sex with men is complex. It involves navigating societal prejudice, sometimes from family or community. Internalizing messages, both positive and negative. Coming to terms with desires that might feel confusing or exhilarating. Figuring out sexual preferences is a key part of this journey.

Early experiences matter. Positive encounters might reinforce a preference for topping. Feeling desired, powerful, or connected in that role. Negative ones – discomfort, bad communication, feeling pressured – might lead someone to explore other roles, or develop anxieties around sex. Internal conflict might arise if desires clash with perceived expectations. Am I ‘supposed’ to be a top because I look a certain way, or because my mates are?

This process is deeply personal. It involves self-reflection. Tentative experimentation. Understanding what brings pleasure – physically and emotionally. What feels authentic. It’s about integrating sexuality into a cohesive sense of self, whatever labels you use or discard along the way.

Role of Personal Experience

Trial and error play a huge role. What feels good? What doesn’t? What kind of connection are you seeking through sex? Experiences shape preferences. They build confidence. Or they can create anxieties and hang-ups.

A supportive environment helps massively. Feeling safe to explore without judgment. Having partners who communicate openly, who respect boundaries. These factors facilitate healthy identity development. Conversely, stigma, shame, or negative sexual experiences can hinder it, leading to confusion or dissatisfaction.

It’s not always a linear path, either. Preferences can evolve. Someone might identify strongly as a top for years, then discover intense pleasure in bottoming or versatility later in life due to a specific partner or a shift in self-perception. Identity is not static. It breathes.

Community Perspectives

The LGBTQ+ community, and broader MSM networks, provide context. Support. Validation. But also, sometimes, pressure. How the community views sexual roles impacts individual identity and experience.

Cultural Influences

Cultural narratives shape how we understand roles. Media portrayals (often stereotypical). Community gossip. Online discourse (a minefield). These all contribute to the collective understanding – or misunderstanding – of what it means to be a top.

In some circles, online or off, topping might be subtly (or overtly) valued more. Seen as more desirable. More ‘masculine’. This creates pressure. It can lead to internalized shame for those who don’t top or don’t want to. Or an inflated sense of self, a ‘top complex’, for those who do and buy into the hype.

These cultural scripts vary. What’s considered ‘normal’ or ‘desirable’ can differ between cities. Social groups. Age cohorts. The London scene might have different nuances than Glasgow’s or Cardiff’s or a rural cruising spot. Online subcultures develop their own norms and hierarchies.

Evolving Social Narratives

Thankfully, narratives are changing. Slowly, sometimes painfully, but changing. There’s more open discussion about fluidity and versatility. More pushback against rigid stereotypes, especially online from younger voices. More celebration of diversity in sexual expression.

Online platforms, while often toxic cesspits, also allow for new conversations. People share experiences anonymously or openly. Challenge norms. Build communities around shared identities that defy old labels. Think about the rise of content creators discussing ethical non-monogamy, kink dynamics beyond simple roles, or challenging masculinity myths within MSM communities.

Events like Pride foster visibility. They create temporary spaces where diverse identities are celebrated. Where challenging norms is part of the point. This collective energy helps shift broader cultural narratives, even if it’s just for a weekend.

Relationship Dynamics

Sexual roles inevitably play into relationship dynamics, whether it’s a long-term partnership or a casual fling. How couples or partners navigate preferences. How they communicate needs. How roles intersect with broader relationship patterns like decision-making or emotional labour.

Compatibility matters. Two exclusive tops might struggle to find sexual satisfaction together. Or they might find incredibly creative solutions focusing on other acts. Communication is the absolute key. Discussing desires. Fantasies. Boundaries. Turn-ons and turn-offs. Without open dialogue, assumptions fester. Resentment can build silently.

Power dynamics exist in all relationships. Tying them solely to sexual roles is simplistic, as we’ve discussed. But it’s naive to ignore how perceived roles can influence interactions, especially if those roles are laden with cultural baggage about dominance or masculinity. Healthy relationships require navigating this consciously. Challenging assumptions together. Ensuring equality and mutual respect are paramount.


Health and Well-being: Looking After Yourself and Others

Let’s talk practicalities. Health. Safety. Mental well-being. Identifying primarily as a top, or topping regularly, involves specific considerations. Understanding these is crucial for looking after yourself and the guys you’re with.

Physical Health Considerations

Topping involves insertive sex, usually anal or oral. This carries its own set of physical health points to keep in mind. Skin friction. Potential for minor injuries (to you or your partner) if not careful or properly lubed. And, crucially, STI transmission risks.

Using lube is essential. Always. Generously. Reduces friction. Increases pleasure for everyone. Minimises risk of tears or abrasions, which can be entry points for infections. Choosing the right type matters – water-based or silicone-based are generally recommended, especially with condoms (oil degrades latex).

Condoms remain vital for preventing most STIs (like gonorrhoea, chlamydia, syphilis). Proper usage is key – sounds basic, but people get it wrong. Checking expiry dates. Putting it on correctly before any contact. Using enough lube on the outside. Changing it if switching between anal and oral, or during prolonged sessions.

Regular STI testing is non-negotiable for anyone sexually active. Period. Regardless of role or number of partners. Knowing your status, and encouraging partners to know theirs, allows for informed decisions. Open communication about testing history builds trust and safer experiences. Find your local GUM clinic. Use it.

Mental Health and Self-acceptance

Identity is tied to mental well-being. Feeling secure and authentic in your sexual role and desires contributes to self-esteem. Conversely, internal conflict, feeling pressured, or facing stigma related to your preferences can take a serious toll.

Minority stress is a real factor for many men who have sex with men. Dealing with societal homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, discrimination, or lack of acceptance. This baseline stress can be compounded by pressures within the community. Feeling inadequate if you don’t fit the ‘ideal’ top stereotype. Or feeling pressured to top to be seen as ‘masculine’ or desirable. Or shame about enjoying topping if you feel it conflicts with other parts of your identity.

Self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. Embracing your desires without judgment. Rejecting harmful stereotypes you’ve internalized. Finding community support where you can be yourself. Therapy can be invaluable here. Talking through identity issues. Addressing internalized negativity. Developing coping strategies for stress and anxiety.

Connecting with others who share your identity or experiences can be incredibly affirming. Online forums (choose wisely). Social groups. Friendships where you can speak openly and honestly about sex and identity without fear of judgment. This sense of belonging buffers stress and builds resilience.

Safe Sex Practices for Tops

Beyond condoms and lube, what else constitutes safe sex? Communication is a core safe sex practice. Talking about boundaries before things get heated. Discussing preferences. Turn-ons. Turn-offs. Checking in during sex – verbally or non-verbally. Consent isn’t a one-time checkbox; it’s ongoing. Enthusiastic. Freely given. And can be withdrawn at any time.

Understanding risk perception is important. Different acts carry different levels of risk for different STIs. Unprotected anal intercourse (UAI) carries the highest risk for HIV and other STIs, particularly for the receptive partner (bottom). However, tops are not immune – STIs can be transmitted through insertion too, or via other activities like oral sex.

PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) has revolutionised HIV prevention. For HIV-negative individuals, taking PrEP daily or event-based significantly reduces the risk of acquiring HIV. It’s a powerful tool, especially if condoms aren’t used consistently for whatever reason. Accessing PrEP through NHS clinics across the UK is straightforward and crucial for many.

Strategic positioning – choosing roles based on HIV status – is also practiced by some. For example, an HIV-negative top might choose not to use a condom with an HIV-positive bottom who has an undetectable viral load (U=U: Undetectable equals Untransmittable). Scientific consensus confirms that U=U means HIV cannot be transmitted sexually. Understanding these nuances empowers safer choices beyond just ‘always use a condom’.

Ultimately, safe(r) sex is about knowledge. Communication. Respect. And using the tools available – condoms, lube, PrEP, regular testing, understanding U=U – to protect yourself and your partners. It’s not about fearmongering. It’s about informed pleasure and responsibility.


Building Healthy Relationships and Connections

Sex is often part of relationships, whether they last one night or a lifetime. Navigating sexual roles within any kind of partnership requires care. Honesty. Mutual respect. It’s about way more than just who does what in bed.

This can’t be stressed enough. Talk. About. Everything. What do you enjoy? What are your boundaries? What fantasies do you have? What are your hard limits? Assumptions are relationship poison, breeding resentment and disappointment.

Consent isn’t just a ‘yes’ at the start. It’s an ongoing dialogue. Checking in (“Is this okay?”, “How does that feel?”). Paying attention to body language, sounds, energy. Feeling comfortable saying ‘no’ or ‘stop’ or ‘not right now’. Or ‘faster’ or ‘slower’ or ‘try this’. This applies equally to tops, bottoms, vers guys – everyone involved.

Communicating specifically about roles is vital. Are you exclusively a top? Are you open to exploring other things? Does your partner have specific desires or limits related to roles? Honest conversations prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. They build intimacy because you’re trusting each other with vulnerable parts of yourselves. Trust is the foundation.

What happens when preferences don’t perfectly align? One partner is a dedicated top, the other versatile but strongly prefers bottoming. Or both identify primarily as tops. These scenarios are common.

Compromise might be needed. Or creativity. Exploring other forms of sexual expression that both enjoy. Finding ways to satisfy each other’s needs outside of penetrative sex if that’s the sticking point. Openness and a willingness to explore are key. Rigidity (“I only do X”) can lead to frustration and unmet needs on both sides.

It’s also okay if preferences are a deal-breaker for a long-term relationship. Sexual compatibility is important for many people. Acknowledging fundamental incompatibility, while potentially painful, is sometimes more honest and respectful than trying to force something that isn’t working. Forcing yourself or your partner into unwanted roles breeds resentment and kills desire.

Respecting each other’s identity is paramount. Don’t try to change your partner’s preference. Don’t pressure them (“Just try bottoming!”). Don’t make assumptions based on their role (“You must be the dominant one”). Accept them for who they are and what they desire, even if it means you’re not compatible long-term.

Creating Balanced Partnerships

Healthy relationships, whatever their form, strive for balance. Equality. Mutual respect. This extends far beyond the bedroom. But sexual dynamics can sometimes reflect or influence broader patterns in the relationship.

If stereotypes about tops being ‘dominant’ or ‘in control’ bleed into the relationship outside of sex, it needs addressing. Who makes the decisions? Who does the planning? Who handles the emotional labour? These should be shared equitably, or at least consciously negotiated, not dictated by perceived sexual roles or gendered assumptions.

Challenge assumptions together. Talk about how cultural narratives or stereotypes might be impacting your dynamic without you realising it. Are you falling into expected scripts? Or are you consciously creating your own authentic way of being together?

A balanced partnership values both individuals equally. Supports their growth. Celebrates their unique identities. Including their sexual selves. Whether top, bottom, versatile, or something else entirely. It’s about partnership. Not hierarchy based on who fucks who.


The UK Context: Tops on the Scene Right Now

How does all this play out specifically here in the UK? The landscape is diverse. Attitudes vary wildly from postcode to postcode, scene to scene. But some threads emerge when you look closely.

Regional Differences and Vibes

London’s scene is vast. Often anonymous. Fast-paced. Stereotypes might circulate more freely just due to the sheer volume of interactions on apps and in venues. Finding your niche, your tribe, can take effort amidst the noise. Pressure to conform to certain ‘looks’ or roles can feel intense.

Manchester has a strong, proud LGBTQ+ identity, centred around Canal Street but spreading outwards. There’s arguably a greater sense of visible community cohesion than in London. Conversations about roles might feel more grounded, less performative, though cliques and expectations still exist.

Brighton, often dubbed the UK’s LGBTQ+ capital. Openness feels like the default setting for many. Fluidity and challenging norms seem particularly prevalent here. Versatility seems widely embraced, almost expected in some circles.

Smaller towns and cities present different challenges and opportunities. Less anonymity means potentially more scrutiny. Fewer dedicated spaces can make exploring identity, including sexual roles, feel more exposed. But it can also foster tighter-knit support networks if you find them. Reputations, good or bad, travel fast.

Generational Shifts in Perspective

Younger generations (Gen Z, younger Millennials) often seem more comfortable with fluidity. Less invested in rigid labels like ‘gay’ vs ‘bi’, or ‘top’ vs ‘bottom’. More influenced by online discourse challenging binaries. They grew up with PrEP becoming available, with more visible (though still often flawed) queer representation in media. The language is different.

Older generations (Gen X, Boomers) might have navigated identity in much harsher times. When roles felt more defined partly out of necessity or safety. Or when survival meant conforming to certain expectations within the scene. Their perspectives are shaped by different historical contexts – Section 28, the AIDS crisis before effective treatment. This can sometimes lead to generational clashes in understanding or terminology.

However, these are massive generalisations. Plenty of older men embrace fluidity and challenge norms. Plenty of younger men hold surprisingly rigid views about roles and masculinity. Individual experience always trumps broad demographic strokes.

The Double-Edged Sword of Apps

Grindr. Scruff. Tinder. Hinge. Like it or loathe it, dating and hook-up apps dominate how many men meet men in the UK. They often force quick categorization. ‘Top’, ‘Bottom’, ‘Vers’ are frequently mandatory profile fields, or the first question asked. This reinforces the labels, making them seem definitive.

It simplifies introductions, sure. A quick filter. But it also encourages snap judgments based on a single word. Profile browsing becomes an exercise in filtering based on perceived sexual function, reducing complex humans to a role. “Top looking for bottom” – end of story?

The pressure to ‘perform’ a role based on your profile label can be intense. Does your chat match your label? Do your pictures project the ‘right’ image for a top/bottom/vers guy? Apps, in trying to cater to preferences, can end up amplifying the very stereotypes they use.

Challenging the Narrative Here in the UK

Despite the pressures and the persistence of stereotypes, change is happening. UK-based activists, writers, artists, and content creators challenge these norms. They promote nuanced conversations about sex, identity, and roles. They share diverse stories that complicate the simple labels.

Charities and sexual health organisations like Terrence Higgins Trust, Switchboard, local NHS services play a vital role. They provide education. Promote testing and PrEP access. Offer support lines and counselling. Their work chips away at stigma and misinformation surrounding sex between men.

Everyday conversations matter hugely too. Friends challenging each other’s assumptions (“Why do you assume he’s a bottom?”). Couples communicating openly about their desires and boundaries. Individuals claiming their authentic identities, labels or no labels. This grassroots change is powerful. It’s reshaping the narrative from within. One interaction, one conversation, one shag at a time.


Conclusion: Beyond the Label, Towards Authenticity

So, what does it mean to be a top in sex between men? At its simplest, it means being the insertive partner. Sometimes. But as we’ve seen, it means so much more than that. And also, perhaps, much less than the heavy stereotypes suggest.

It can be a preference. An identity. A role played. Shaped by personal experience. Psychology. The social and cultural context you exist in. Crucially, it’s not inherently linked to dominance. Or masculinity. Or emotional detachment. These are myths. Harmful, limiting myths that need binning.

The landscape is shifting. Versatility is increasingly visible and accepted. Rigid roles are being questioned more openly. Communication and enthusiastic consent are being centred (though there’s always room for improvement). Health tools like PrEP and the understanding of U=U empower safer, more informed sexual choices.

Being a top, or identifying as one, doesn’t define your worth. Your personality. Your capacity for love, intimacy, or connection. It’s one facet of a complex sexual self. In the UK, as elsewhere, the conversation is evolving. Moving, hopefully, towards greater acceptance. More nuance. More space for individual authenticity.

Ultimately, the label matters far less than the person. The connection you forge. The shared pleasure. The mutual respect. Whether you identify as a top, bottom, versatile, side, or something else entirely – it’s about finding what feels right, safe, and good for you. And communicating that honestly and openly. In the bedroom, on the apps, and beyond. Forget the box. Define yourself.


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